Lies

March 28, 2009, 3:55 pm

Lies Though it's winter, the stream is free of ice. Loons mate beneath my window, the female's neck bent backwards, held tight in a curve of delight. The glass has melted and I lean out, allow the...

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Re: Lies

March 28, 2009, 5:36 pm

Judy I like the way you begin with loons that mate and end with the call of the loons.What a comprehensive word,'understanding 'is,one step above" love." Sivakami

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Hi Judy, This poem has a wonderful shape and intent. The description of the loons is lovely and then we realize there's a "you" in the poem. But we also seem to move into a surreal dimension (with the...

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Re: Lies

March 29, 2009, 1:32 pm

Toni I noticed the 'sword- fisted words' and thought it was alright because that is life,the 'alternating ' I mean.Of course the 'swift kicks' I felt was was a bit boisterous,but I honestly did not...

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Re: Lies

March 29, 2009, 6:07 pm

Judy, Beautiful and well wrought. I love a good betrayal poem. I've seen them mating too, worried that the male was drowning her, so the line about the delight in her curved neck was flagged for me,...

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Re: Lies

April 25, 2009, 11:33 pm

Again, another beauty. I can understand how the going on(s) of nature can melt or distract one long enough to forget a grievance. Very tight. I have no suggestions. Saore

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Re: Lies

April 28, 2009, 6:42 pm

i have a suggestion Judy.. i wonder if you might compress this, (below) since the thinking about one a million times is almost a cliche. The face etched seems more fresh, but these two lines read more...

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Re: Lies

April 28, 2009, 7:50 pm

Yes. Wonderful, though I thought this could be tightened somwhat, too. Though it's winter, the stream is free of ice. Loons mate beneath my window, the female's neck bent backwards[,] [held tight] in...

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